In yoga there is a lot of importance given to Sankalpa which can be equated to the english word resolve. I had an intense longing to know more and everytime I sat for my yoga practices I did a silent sankalpa that I want to know the self in all its entirety. Looking back I cannot overestimate its sankalpa in the path of self realisation. I can only guess as to how nature acts as a guide when sankalpa is repeated to oneself. However even from a purely psychological viewpoint sankalpa can be seen as an affirmation shaping both one’s conviction and outward reality.

There is a oft repeated saying ‘When the student is ready, the master appears’. I feel the time I spent doing the Isha practices was helpful in me getting ready and prepared to meet my Guru. From being someone who did not believe in God to becoming someone willing to accept that God is all there is. From being someone who was self confident almost to the point of being arrogant about one’s work and worth in the scheme of things to feeling that I do not really matter at all. From rejecting all spiritual gurus as charlatans to being reverential to a Guru to the point of being illogical. If I had not spent the time I did wandering around doing different things and getting ready, I would not have been able to accept my Guru. I feel now that I actually spent a lot of time and energy unlearning my conditioning so that I could come close to what would be a blank slate.

I had a close friend in college whom I had lost touch with reach out to me and share his experiences. He had heard from a mutual friend how I had started doing yogic practices. What he had to share was astounding!! He said that he had got Kriya Yoga Deeksha from his Guru who was a Brahma Jnani, a realized master. He said he just does 15-20 mins of practice and the kind of states that are described in yoga shastras were occuring. If it had been anyone else, I would have outright laughed in their faces. From what I had seen at Isha, intense sadhana is needed to know the self and I was doing 3-4 hours of it everyday. I was still nowhere near to these experiences. It was not just his inner experience though, it was also the way he was speaking. It was as if he had undergone a significant internal shift which also transformed his outward mannerism completely.

Now, I had read the Autobiography of a Yogi and I always felt the things described in there to be so outlandish that mere mortals could never aspire to them. I was thus inspired by my friend’s experiences and the fact that his Guru led his life like a normal householder without any outward show of being a spiritual person. I recalled what I had read about Lahiri Mahasaya and was convinced that only someone at the ultimate pinnacle of self realization can live as if he were a normal householder while being a Guru. That was it for me. I realized that his Guru must be a great master and I decided that I have to request him to teach me.

When I reached out to Guruji, at first he took his time to let me know whether he accepted me. Later on he told me he only accepted me because his Guru gave him permission to take me on as a shishya. This was unlike what I know of most modern self styled Gurus, who take on one and all without checking their adhikaratva and patrata for sadhana. I had to wait for nearly 4 months before I could meet him in person. That meeting was when my life changed completely…

I always had this feeling that there is more to life than whatever is there on the surface. However without the guidance from a realized Guru, I did not know what it is that I was seeking. I just had a longing to know more and be more than what I was. There are a series of fortunate accidents and well intentioned actions which steered me in this direction.

Our country has had a strong spiritual tradition with ancient roots. However most of us, especially the young educated Indians have lost touch with these traditions. We have been indoctrinated from a young age into becoming apologetic about out past and looking to the west for all our answers. I was no exception to this and started searching for answers in the works of Plato, Friedrich Nietzsche, Arthur Schopenhauer, Bertrand Russell, Albert Camus et al. Intellectually they had sound arguments which appealed to my mind but insofar as improving my experience of life, they didn’t help much.

I however found comfort in the works of Marcus Aurelius & Seneca who advocated stoicism which had a central tenet of enduring hardship without complaint. This along with my interest in transforming my physical self through intense strength training drove me for a few years. I had always been overweight and I thought once I underwent a drastic physical transformation, I would be happy. However once I had achieved the physical transformation I had wanted,I was again left longing for more to life.

In between all this exploration, I did read some books on mindfulness and meditation. Zen koans did stir up something I could not understand within me, but it was always very transitory. I also tried ‘meditation’ from books and videos but could never sit quietly for more than a few minutes. I was longing to feel the ‘bliss’ that all these texts talked about.

When I achieved some of my physical, academic and career goals, I realized the inherent futility of these goals. They could make me comfortable, even happy on occasion but not blissful. Then I decided in earnest to learn ‘meditation’ properly. I stumbled upon Sadhguru on Youtube and saw the video on ‘Inner Engineering‘. His articulation and ability to explain things in a logical manner appealed to my rational side. I attended the program a month later and started doing the practices.

After doing the practices for a week, I could feel a shift in the way I experienced life. There were certain days when I was happy without a reason. I was less anxious about the future and not so worried about the past. Being someone who is very analytical about life, this was a liminal moment for me. I now realized there was so much more that was there to explore. However, being impatient as always I wanted to accelerate this process of change. I started devouring books on the subject of yoga and started searching for the fastest way to transform.

I learnt Surya Kriya, an ancient and powerful Hatha Yoga practice by Isha. I also learnt Shakti Chalana Kriya & Shoonya meditation at IYC, Coimbatore. Shoonya is an advanced meditation course offered by Isha and it is a process of conscious non-doing while Shakti Chalana Kriya is a pranayama practice. I had flashes of profound silence and stillness during the Shoonya practice. While all the Isha practices are very potent, my experiences were not very consistent and used to vary in intensity. Doing all the practices started taking 3-4 hours everyday. The Shoonya was to be done during the afternoons which was a bit difficult as I had find a quiet room where I wouldn’t be disturbed. Many a times I ended up forgoing lunch to ensure I don’t miss the practice.There were also emotional upheavals at times during this year for me . Somewhere I knew that this was going to be unsustainable for me and I knew there has to be another way.

Enlightened beings have prescribed several different paths depending on the temperament and the readiness of the student. I had also read how despite all the efforts made by a person it is only Guru kripa or Guru’s grace which can lead to realization.While I persevered with the practices, somewhere deep down I longed for a personal Guru who could guide me through the difficult phases that would come in my Sadhana.

Sri Aurobindo’s immortal statement ‘All life is yoga.’ is probably what could be the final pronouncement on the subject. However, for whatever it is worth I will try and express my views on the subject. Yoga is not a teaching, a technique, a philosophy or an ideology. It is the outcome of the ultimate alignment of the human consciousness and the infinite consciousness.

In our modern world there are a lot of different views on what classifies as yoga. Some people say standing on one’s head is yoga, someone else views yoga as a antiquated system designed for recluses with no relevance to modern life, another person feels it is the go to place for healing physical ailments, other people feel it is too difficult for the modern busy individual, there are some who think doing physical postures or asanas is all yoga has to offer, there are some who think it is a ruse and a form of escapism from the hard gritty reality of life, then there are people who think its a lifestyle product – the in thing to be labelled as, there are the well intentioned but misguided people who think they are karma yogis as they are working hard and then there are the very few who want to walk the path to know God.

Yoga means ‘Union’. It is the phenomenon of the individual connecting to the source, the finite to the infinite, the drop merging into the ocean. It is analogous to a radio being tuned to the ultimate frequency where all the possible channels reside. For the purpose of reaching this alignment there are several paths or techniques which have been developed by masters who have realized this eternal truth themselves.

Like it or not, the fact is the consciousness of human beings is always trying to expand either consciously or unconsciously. Some people buy a lot of things, some people eat a lot, some get into relationships, some get focused on getting ahead in their career. While it is imperative to fulfill these drives from a utilitarian, materialistic, survival viewpoint, it may not be for the benefit of the higher consciousness. This is what in decision making is called a ‘Satisficing solution’ – one that is not the most optimal but just satisfactory for solving the survival issues.

One may ask what is the need for evolving into higher consciousness and is there a guarantee one can be happy when this happens. In other words, how do I know if I will derive greater benefit for myself if I am in a state of higher consciousness.

Let us take the example of when you first had ice cream. The first time eating an ice cream is possibly a very fond and memorable experience for most of us. However, how many ice creams can we really have before we feel bored, sick and tired of them. Once one desire is satiated we crave newer ones. Psychologists have coined this phenomenon as the ‘Hedonic treadmill’ and just like a treadmill we must keep running lest we crash. So it would seem that indulging the senses is a very impractical and a very limited approach to living.

One might argue that while sensory indulgence is an impractical and a foolish way to live one’s life, a better approach is working hard in one’s career or business and deriving pleasure from achieving milestones in the same. This is actually even more dangerous than the sensory indulgence because there may be no guilt associated here and one’s ego continues to grow. However, life being life there will be ups and downs in all aspects. There will be failure along with success. Since our ego places a lot of worth in our work, it will be an emotional roller coaster leaving one drained at the end of the day. It is an exhausting way to live and one cannot effectively do this their whole life.

Another argument could be that one lives for others, is selfless and giving. However this may be an impractical suggestion without one being in yoga as it may provide more fuel to one’s ego that makes one feel that they are virtuous or more dharmic than their fellow brethren. It is possibly the most insidious of all the three as most of the time sattvic ahamkara develops. Without the necessary grounding in yoga this can make one self righteous and sit in judgment of others.

However, when one is in yoga then anything that is done will automatically be selfless, for the highest good and of the highest quality. The work someone who is in yoga does will always be optimal as there is no ego or a limited self involved. It is as if the creation functions through someone like this and like creation it is a vast, unlimited, infinite expanse of a blank canvas that this person can paint their life on.